did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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