Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
