One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
