I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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