I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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