Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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