I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
