I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Redeem this text for a blowjob
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
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