hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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