The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
