they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
