It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
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