Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I can't turn off my feet"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
