I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
