Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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