dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
