I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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