we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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