you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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