Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
