bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I did not marry a roomba.
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