Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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