Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
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