i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
