RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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