This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
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New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
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It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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