She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
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