I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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