Do vagina's smell?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
