On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
