man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
