dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
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