just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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