Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
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