Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
