Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize