my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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