I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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