he shaved USA in his pubs
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
