how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes