im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
39 Memes Anyone Who Cries When They See Their Bank Account Will Relate To
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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