We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
