I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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