Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
