Betty ford says i'm here all night
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
