I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
