I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
