my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
