Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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