Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
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