piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
