just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
