I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
