I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
