Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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