u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
