I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
