is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
nutella sex= disaster
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Randomize
