WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
