He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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