Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
