When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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