The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize