We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
