u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
