but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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