OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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