his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
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