We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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