mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
