Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
