We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
