I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
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