Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
