i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
