I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
you win again, gameday.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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