If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize